Irreverent opinions of languages in which I have coded.

This list served as an interlude to a presentation I gave recently.

  • SQL – Most boring / useful
  • PL/pgSQL – wtf is this? I have to write database functions in this?
  • Bash – Useful and fast. Nobody knows how to write in this.
  • C – God. Dangerous. Caused heartbleed bug. Bad language! ::Language runs off::
  • Matlab – haha
  • Perl – Madness. Fast.
  • Ruby – For hipsters / designers. Slow but sexy.
  • Mathematica – Designed to clash with every other language’s syntax
  • Java – enterpriseCodeThatMakesYouWishYouWereDead (deprecated)
  • Javascript – Great if used properly. Not used properly.
  • PHP – [censored]
  • Julia – Smart, Sexy, Fast. Innate parallelism.
  • Scala – So many features / idioms it pretty much guarantees a month of  12 hour days before you can read more than 50 lines in a row.
  • R – Makes $. Errors and warnings written by devious children.

 

ppml

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